The Summer Lighthouse
by LoveMerDer
Summary: What if that fateful day Richard picked Ellis instead of his wife. The story picks up 13 years later when Meredith's family buys a beach house in Maine. Meredith is 18 and is still grieving her mom's death when she finds Derek. Derek is still recovering from a failed relationship. Was it fate that brought them to this small beach town? Will they be able to find love?
1. Chapter 1

DEREK

Lubec, Maine and its lighthouse had been a destination for our family for generations. It was where my dad had grown up and where my parents first met on the dance floor in a bar tucked away in the center of the small town. Lubec was the town that never changed. The plaza still had kids running around barefoot their hands sticky from the bottles of coke they bought from the corner store and their mouths stained with the blood red syrup that came from the snow cone stand outside the post office. Surfboards, their patterns faded, laid propped against the sides of multicolored houses. I glance over at the redhead in the seat next to me. A slim ring rests on her right hand and the multiple diamonds glimmer in the light flowing into the dim car from the setting sun. The car ride up here had been uncomfortably silent due to the fight that broke out last night after a long 48 hours on call. We have been having a lot of those fights recently. The meaningless fights we used just to have an excuse to yell at each other. The fights that resulted in me being kicked out of the bed and onto the fold out sofa that sat in the middle of the living room dining room combo in the apartment. Some of the fights like this one became so bad that I would simply drive off. Usually, there was no destination in mind other than somewhere away from Addison but I almost always ended up knocking on Mark's apartment door. We hadn't talked since I picked her up from our apartment this morning but I now reach my hand over and place it over her's.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. I'm not exactly sure what I'm sorry for because I don't remember how the fight started. She swipes my hand away from her's.

"Look I don't know if I can do this anymore," she says her words cut into me like a knife and I can tell they also cut into her from the tears staining her face.

"Do what? What am I doing?" I question desperately. I pull off the main road and park the car in a dusty gravel parking lot because I know this isn't going to be the type of fight that can be resolved by a kiss on the cheek.

"I can't- I just can't Derek," She shouts and I just watch her the tense silence that we had in the car just moments beforehand now completely vanquished, "I can't keep watching you ignore me- you practically hate me and I can't keep pretending I don't see it," She continues her face is red and her cheeks are stained with the mascara that has mixed with tears and begun to drip down her face.

"Addie- I don't hate you. I know I've been working more and I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. I promise I'll work on that when we get back. I can't wait for our wedding- I can't wait to spend the rest of forever with you. Addie, I love you so much- can you forgive me?" I beg desperately.

"Derek, you don't get it. You just weren't giving me enough," she says solemnly, "I slept with someone else," as soon as the words tumble out of her mouth I feel my entire body grow tense.

"Who?" I ask hesitantly

"Shit- Derek. Shit- I knew you'd ask. You don't need to know who I slept with all you need to know is that cheated on you," she snaps

"I have every right to know- I'm your fiance. Hell- we're getting married and I want a wife that's not afraid to tell me everything," I shout back. I watch Addie's face shift from anger to regret to a look I can't exactly place. It could be confusion or simply pain.

"Derek- you don't get what I'm trying to say. I cheated on you cause I could tell we were fading away to a smaller version of the people we used to be. We were both taking so much from each other and I- just wasn't getting enough back. I think I once loved you but I-I just don't love you anymore. I'm going to sleep in the motel across the way tonight and I will be gone tomorrow morning," she says in an almost calm tone as if she had scripted this fight. I stare at her unsure of what to say next. She has slipped off the ring that I thought she had once worn with pride and has it extended toward me.

"Can you at least tell me who?" I beg. I'm unsure of what this will give me other than more anger but my body itches to know.

"Mark Sloan," she whispers and I almost ask _who_ just to confirm the name

"Were- were you at least drunk?" I question. When we had begun dating nearly 6 years ago there had been many nights where Addie would grow too drunk and throw herself upon any man in her eyesight.

"The first time- yes," I feel rage flood my system and I grip the seat to prevent myself from lashing out. Finally, I let the rage overrule me and I scream

"Get out of the fucking car- I hope you I never have to see you again. Just leave."

As I pull out of parking lot I expect tears in my eyes but instead, my hands just shake with rage. I withdraw the CD that sits in between my seat cushions. It's the first album made by the clash and Addie detested it so I turn up the volume and the shaking in my hand's stills. Addie was right in her own way. We had both taken so much from each other. I no longer listen to any music other than country due to Addie's likings. I never worked hours later than 9:00 because otherwise, Addie would expect I was cheating on her or accuse me of ignoring her. The music leads me down a series of familiar roads that lead to the ancient beach house. I pull the car up to the curb across from the house. There are already the 4 cars belonging to my younger sisters and the old dented car that belongs to my mom. The house looks the same. The sides are painted a faded yellow and the door is a bright red. The front porch is cluttered with fraying whicker and my mom stands on the front porch her sandy white hair waving back and forth in the wind. As soon as she sees Addie missing her face saddens and she just reaches out her hands that I fall into allowing her to stroke my hair, something she did when I was younger. She smells like a mix of spearmint gum and sea water and I don't even need to say anything as she leads me into the house. Somehow my incredibly nosy sisters are intensely quiet and I'm lowered onto the couch and all of my sisters and my mom surround me sympathetically waiting anxiously for the story behind what happened.

MEREDITH

My bare feet hit the concrete and I feel them tingle slightly from the heat coming up from the sun heated pavement. I stare up at the new house. It's new construction and it looks exactly how the picture in that magazine that appeared in the mailbox depicted it. The bricks skirt around the outside walls and are bleached white. There are wide windows overlooking the sea and the tops of other houses. As the evening light sets the soft glow from the lighthouse sweeps across the granite driveway.

"Mer," her dad calls from the back of the car where he has his head stuck in one of the many boxes they had packed stuffed full of lamps and books. His voice is filled with exhaustion and a bit of impatience that hasn't left in the past 6 years.

"Yes, what is it?" I ask. I know what's coming next isn't going to be an _I love you_ but instead a command so I stay in the same spot watching sailboats float across calmer harbors and surfers trying to catch the last of the breaking waves before the sun sets. As much as I seem like a spoiled brat, by my large house I've lived in, the private school with fancy button-down uniforms I went to, or the Ivy League college that I'm going to I don't like to think about myself that way. At 18 I have more dark memories than most people have had in their lifetime. I have seen my parent's marriage fall apart leaving me at 6 to never be able to talk to my biological father again. I called 911 after the first time my mom tried to kill herself, and the next time. I watched my dad sneak bottles of whiskey into my sister's dance recital because he couldn't go a couple of hours without booze and I dragged his drunk ass up the stairs in the early morning after he had a late night at the bar. I feel that because of my dark and twisty past I can give myself a break every once and a while so I don't run to my dad's side right away but wait in my spot.

"Can you take Matthew and Maggie to the plaza and see what you can pick up for dinner?" He asks. This is what happens most nights for dinner whether we're on vacation or not. Some nights we'll pick up Chinese from the shop with the red and white booths, sometimes we pick up pizza from one of the classic New York pizza spots, and sometimes when I become too lazy to call for delivery I will prepare one of the dozen boxes of Kraft mac and cheese from the pantry.

"Sure," I respond and I hear the rustle of unbuckling seat belts. Matthew comes up to me first. He still has his teenage mutant turtles backpack on and a wide lopsided grin across his face. He's the youngest at only 6 and sometimes I wish to be him and to have only been a baby when his life fell apart, at least then he doesn't know anything better. He doesn't own any of the harsh memories that Maggie and I share. Maggie follows close behind him. Her jet black curly hair is a tousled mess from the breeze. Although Maggie's only 12 she has no limit on how much makeup she can wear so every day she applies a dark ring of eyeliner around her deep brown eyes. I understand it. I went through a similar period in middle school. I had bright pink hair with dark circles made around my eye with a combination of tears and drugstore black eyeshadow.

"Alright let's get going," I say breaking the serenity we all had felt overlooking the harsh waters breaking against sharp cliffs. I begin walking, leading the way but only about 100 ft down the road, my bare feet already stinging from the many rocks that had pricked the surface, Maggie corrects my direction,

"We went North East to go away from the plaza meaning we can't go North East to get to the plaza. We're supposed to go the other way. I wanted to see how long it took you to figure it out but my feet were starting to get tired," she says. This is the most she will ever speak in public even if it's on a vacant road. Maggie had learned the struggles of name calling early after her dramatic lisp had earned her the name of Lil' Maggot. I still hate when I am reminded Maggie is a child prodigy and she can outsmart me in almost every subject.

"Asshole," I mutter under my breath, making sure neither Maggie nor Matthew hear me. I then abruptly turn around following the edge of the road into the rather crowded center. There are street vendors selling ice cream and snow cones and although I'm tempted by the idea of a crispy cone and sugary ice cream dripping down my wrist I look at the 20 dollar bill that remains in my wallet and I drag myself, Maggie, and Matthew into the gas station selling foot-long hot dogs for 50 cents. Once I buy the 4 greasy hot dogs and they are packed into a thin plastic bag as well as a bottle of whiskey for my dad I begin to rummage the cluttered shelves for breakfast tomorrow and snacks tonight. I see a bag of potato chips and grab them off the shelf, brushing off the layer of dust that has collected on them.

"Are you new here?" a man grabbing produce from the adjacent shelf casually asks. He has a cloth bag slung over his shoulder and smiles when he talks. On closer inspection, he appears to be about thirty and has blue eyes that shimmer in the fluorescent lights.

"What makes you say that?" I question

"Well, first I've been coming here for 30 years and I've never seen you here. This place never changes and now there's a new house down the street and then I meet a new girl in the store so I guess I kind of assumed. So what's your story?" he says breathlessly. His cheeks are slightly flushed.

"My story?" I repeat, "I have no story. I'm just a girl."

"I'm just a guy," the mysterious man replies. I feel a blush growing in my cheeks and quickly look away. A high pitched giggle leaks out of my mouth followed by his chuckle.

"Well... bye, I guess I'll see you around," I tell him

"See you around town," he says a wide smile on his shiny white teeth.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two; June 9, 1996

DEREK

I wake up to the sun illuminating the room. The room is a simple set of wooden bunk beds. They were hand built and sanded the third summer we came. I was 4 then and I still have fond memories of toddling around in the sawdust scraps and my dad letting me slap the bright white paint, that has now turned to cream, onto the angled ladder. Amelia sleeps in the bunk above mine and I can hear the wooden stands creak when she tosses in her sleep. She used to wake up with nightmares every night so the rickety boards were much louder. Now it is muffled and barely wakes me. In the middle of the room, there is an empty, worn air mattress. I can only assume that the bed was set up for Addison. Addison who is probably already on her way back to New York leaving only the ring that I gave her. I roll over so I block the memory of who I just lost and glance at my dad's watch which I've propped up against the wall. The time displays 6:17 but the room is already filled with light and the scent of waffles or pancakes wafts toward me urging me to get out of bed. I swing my bare feet over the bed and slowly stand up. My back and neck are sore from the hours of driving yesterday and my stomach rumbles when I realize my dinner consisted of a bag of Cheetos, an apple, and a lukewarm bottle of beer.

I walk down the hall being careful to keep the uneven floorboards quiet. The hall's walls are filled with various family pictures. There are pictures of my dad holding a large fish when he was little next to a picture of me with a similar fish of my own. There are pictures of all 5 of us kids sitting on the dock smiling widely up at the camera.

"Morning Derek," I hear my mom whisper from the kitchen. Since we were little she was always up long before the rest of us. She never appeared tired. I'd walk down the hall rubbing my tired eyes and there she would be standing in the corner of the kitchen, her pink polka dotted apron tied around her waist. For 2 weeks after dad died, she didn't get up early to cook us breakfast. The patterned apron remained hung on its rust covered hook and she stayed in her bed staring at the blank wall, but that's all the time she took. 2 weeks of grieving and then she was back to long hours at work and then coming home to help with homework, cook dinner, and pack paper sack lunches for school the next day.

"Good morning mom," I respond after a long pause

"How are you?" she asks. I know that she means the situation on Addie and to be honest I'm ok. There's still a hint of pain remaining but as I look through the history of our relationship I'm not even sure if love was even there. We fought more than we loved and I learned to accept Addison turning a cold shoulder to me or picking random fights when she was unhappy. The dissolve of our relationship hadn't been completely Addie's fault. There was also the nights when I came home late and the times when I could barely stand to look at here. There had been so many nights especially recently where we couldn't even stand sleeping in the same building.

"I'm doing ok. I'm mad… I'm mad at myself for being completely ignorant… I'm mad at Addie… and I guess I'm also mad at Mark," I tell her quickly careful not to make eye contact with her lie detector like eyes. The idea of never talking to my best friend seemed unbearable but at the same time I could never imagine looking at him without imagining him with Addie, and the destruction he caused in my relationship. Mark had been my best friend since he loaned me the colored pencils I was missing on the first day of kindergarten. He had become more of a brother than anything else. He was the one who set up our families Christmas tree. When we got older he'd stay over and we'd pretend to be Santa stealing the cookies that my younger sisters had set out and hiding the newspaper wrapped presents under the tree.

"That's ok," My mom says as she flips another perfectly round pancake out of the oil-stained pan, "but are you going to talk to Mark? You can't just lose him," she pesters. I roll my eyes. This is exactly something my mom would do. She wants me to repair a relationship that is unrepairable. It's what she did last night as well. She handed me back the ring and whispered to me _just in case she wants it back_. I knew the hint she was trying to give me. She was trying to tell me that just because our relationship had completely crumbled it could still be repaired.

"We were friends," I correct her, "He slept with Addie, more than once and didn't tell me. I don't think I can trust him or see his the same again," I explain exasperated. I grab a blazing hot pancake from the towering plate before walking toward the door, "I'm going on a walk," I tell her. She nods and I can tell she is annoyed but I ignore her pinched face, grabbing the denim jacket on the hook and stepping into the misty cold morning air.

I stand away from the house so I can see both the expansive rocky beach and the rolling hills covered in colorful houses. I begin to climb down the stony hedge to reach the beach. I feel the sharp rocks scratch by back as I slip down the side and then my feet meet the damp rock covered in slimy algae that makes my feet slide around. I unlace the hiking boots on my feet and take them off. It leaves me standing on the slimy rock with my socks still on so I slip those off as well leaving them in the small bit of shade provided by the rocky overhang. I then hop from rock to rock until I reach the freezing cold water. I can only tolerate the water if it doesn't go beyond my knees so I walk out into the ocean until the water hovers around my shorts. I stand there for a while taking in the serenity of the waves breaking softly against the rocks, rounding them into smooth pebbles, and the lack of people. I then hear a slash in the water and turn to my right where I heard the noise. I turned just in time to see a pebble skipping across the water. A girl is tossing rocks into the water, the same girl I saw at the store. The same girl who had filled my body with almost unrecognizable happiness.

"Hey," I shout. She turns around her hair flipping in the wind and smile across her rosy-cheeked face.

"Hi," she yells back.

MEREDITH

The house is completely silent once I open my eyes. I had lied awake for what felt like hours before I finally decided to peel open my eyes and take a look at the room I had barely seen since we arrived. There is a canopy bed in the middle of my room that I had shipped from Boston and an empty chest of brand new drawers edging the back wall. My suitcase sits at the end of my bed. The only thing I have unpacked is my toothbrush and toothpaste and the oversized t-shirt and leggings I slept in. I open my stark white door and enter the hall that leads down the staircase. The staircase looks like something you'd see in a movie. When Matthew saw it in the design magazine shipped to our house in Boston he called it the beauty and the beast house because of the stairs. I walk down the stairs even though I'm tempted to slide down the banister but when I did it last night dad told me_ I was an adult and needed to learn how to grow up_.

I reach the bottom of the staircase revealing the expansive living room. My dad is sitting on the beige couch flipping through the latest medical magazine. I can tell it's his medical magazine because his reading glasses sit on the bridge of his nose and his journal and a blue pen sit out on the coffee table.

"Morning," I mumble

"Morning," he replies in the same infliction. Every morning is like this, silent. Sometimes he'll ask me how I slept but the answer is always the same no matter the circumstance. I see him peering up from the book and I know what question is coming next "how did you sleep?"

"Fine," I tell him. The truth is I spent hours under the blanket flipping through the latest edition of my mom's journals I recovered from the attic. Then I had spent the rest of the night staring up at the ceiling wondering what it would be like if she was still here. I don't think she would have wanted the house. She would have called it a waste of money and time. That seemed to be her response to anything that I thought seemed fun. When I was younger I hated it but her journals tell me the story behind her strict parenting. She had developed this as a way of protecting herself. Now I would give anything to have her back with us now.

"I'm going to go and explore," I tell him. I plan to wander into the town and then wander back to the house but the scattered street lights reflect off the water and I slip off my flip flops and hobble toward the water. I dip my toe into the water and I feel a shiver travel up my spine. Instead of wading into the icy water I grab one of the smoothed stones that have collected by the shore and attempt to skip them across the crashing waves.

"Hey," I hear a muffled voice call out. I whip my head around looking around to see where the voice came from. I see a silhouette of a man standing knee deep in the sea, frothy water pooling up around him.

"Hi," I shout back. I'm going against all of the rules of my childhood about not talking to strangers but as my dad pointed out I'm an adult. He turns so he is facing me and I notice he is the mysterious guy from the shop yesterday. He walks toward the rocky shore and picks up a stone from the ground and attempts to skip it across the water.

"I've never been too good at skipping rocks," he says with a chuckle. The rock makes a loud plop on the water and sinks to the bottom.

"It's ok, you kind of have to spin it as you throw it. Like this," I take the remaining rock from his hand and skip it easily across the wave. My eyes follow it as it hops across the water. I count it skipping 3 times before it drops down under the waves to rest on the sandy sea floor. He bends down and grabs several more rocks and tosses them in quick succession. A couple of them bounce once or twice on the surface but most of them produce large ripples to be broken up by the water lapping near the shore.

"So, um…" he says hesitating. I realize he doesn't know my name so I quickly whisper,

"Meredith, Meredith Grey," I say a small smile creeping up onto my tightly pursed lips

"Hi," he says chuckling.

"This is the point where you say your name," I tell him trying not to giggle.

"Derek, Derek Shepherd, my name's Derek," he states quickly, "so what brings you to Maine?" he asks

"It's a long story," I say. It's true, the story behind the vacation home is a long complex one.

"I have time," Derek counters. I debate how much of my depressing life story to share with this stranger so I nibble on my lower lip and then begin telling the story,

"Well about 2 years ago my dad decided to find my mom's mom, my grandma. Anyways it turned out she died 10 years ago but her house was still down here and I guess my dad felt bad because she kind of died a crazy cat lady so we came down here to see her grave. I think the plan was to fix up her house as well to become a vacation home but let me just tell you that house smelled strongly of cat piss and the walls looked like they could collapse at any minute so we ended up building this mini-mansion on the only chunk of land left in all of Lubec Maine. Sorry, I ramble a lot, so what brought you here?" I ask. We have now begun to walk side by side, our bare feet sinking into the tink pebbles.

"Well, I guess you'd have to start 50 years ago. My dad grew up here and then he moved to New York for more opportunities. Every summer since I was a baby we'd come up here and visit my grandparents and when they died their house went to us," Derek tells me. I marvel at the idea of staying in a place for that long. My whole life I have never lived in a house for longer than 5 years and those 5 years were when I was little so barely have a memory of that.

"Do you come here often?" I ask gesturing at the beach.

"I come out here when I need to calm down. It's the only place I can be alone in this town," he says

"Sorry I took your place," I apologize realizing I'm in his special place trying to strike up a conversation in the only place he can be alone.

"It's ok," he replies, "your company isn't actually too bad," he says jokingly and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"So shitty day?" I ask

"I guess you could say so. Yesterday I found out that my fiance cheated on me with my best friend. Pretty shitty," he tells me. I can tell he's trying to put on a brave face for me. Even though I know my sister was the result of an affair I still hate the idea of cheating. When I was little it was the thing that tore my family apart.

"I'm sorry," I reply. It's the only response that seems valid for the situation.

"Thanks, in the long run, it's probably better that we're done. Our relationship was always pretty toxic and for some reason, I thought that getting married would fix our previous 6 years of fights. We just weren't meant to be together," he tells me.

We spend the next several hours watching the waves and telling stories of our dreams. I tell him of my dream of going to medical school just like both of my parents. When I told my dad he told I didn't have what it took to be a doctor. He told me that I was unfocused and that my mother would agree. Then again he was drunk and my mother is dead so I don't know how valid his judgment was. Derek seems to believe in my dreams more than me. I tell him about my little brother and sister, all of their quirks and how they drive me nuts. He tells me about his old life in New York, his old apartment and his old job. He tells me about how his mom wants him to go back to New York but he thinks he wants a fresh start. He tells me about his 4 younger sisters he calls the wolves because of how much they pester him. All of them are doctors except for Amelia and even though he never tells me I can tell that Amelia is the outcast of the family. She trying out college again but Derek is worried that she'll end up in rehab again or with a controlling boyfriend that sends her down the wrong path again.

"What time is it?" Derek finally asks when he peers up at the sun that has now risen to be in the center of the stunning blue sky that is speckled by fluffy white clouds.

"I don't know but I'm hungry," I reply. My stomach rumbles at the idea of food.  
"Well, we don't have a lot of options for lunch. There's the store we met at yesterday but the food there is shit," I chuckle at this statement. It's true. The hotdogs that I picked up were soaked in grease that dripped onto the buns making them soggy. "We could go over to my house. My mom's always willing to hand out free food to any kid." I want to be able to offer my house to eat lunch at but I know that we don't have any food and I'm honestly rather embarrassed to introduce Derek to my alcoholic dad.

"Are you sure that your mom would be ok with that?" I ask. Derek nods and grabs my hand dragging me up the hill.

DEREK

I walk next to Meredith Grey. The girl I had met in the store less than 24 hours before but she was now longer just the girl I met at the store. She was now Meredith. The girl who knew more about me than I had told anyone before. We hike up the hill to surface up by a vacant road. I hadn't realized how far we had traveled across the beach until now.

"Where the hell are we?" Meredith asks with a giggle. It is quite funny that I had managed to get lost in a town that had one real road.

"Well, there's only one road that leads to and from Lubec so if we follow this road we should…" she cuts me off

"I'll race you," she screams joyously and begins to run kicking up small dirt particles behind her.

"Find our way back," I finish the sentence and then begin to chase after her. We are both barefoot so by the time we arrive at the sign that reads Lubec Maine our feet are coated in a heavy layer of mud and we can barely stand up straight due to our heavy panting and fatigue.

"So where is this ancient house of yours?" she asks holding onto the welcome sign to keep herself from toppling over.

"This way," I point to my house situated at the top of a hill overlooking the rocky shore and the towering lighthouse. We begin stumbling breathlessly toward the house and as we do so we grow closer together with our fingers shyly brushing against each other. I look over to her to see if she felt the same spark and I see she is already looking at me. I can see the doubt in her eyes and I know I'm not ready for a relationship after Addie so instead I just link my elbow in hers which somehow seems less awkward. We sway back and forth as we walk and as we approach the herd of cars parked in front of the tiny house we unlink arms and walk up to the door. As expected, my mom is in the kitchen peering over her large stock pot that is placed on the stove.

"Hi mom," I say and she whips around surprised by my entrance, "Derek I thought you had disappeared," she yells at me frantically

"Sorry mom, do we have room for a stray?" I ask. Meredith nudges me and whispers,

"Am I the stray?"

"Sorry?" I whisper back in a questioning tone. I then turn my attention back to my mom who is staring intensely at Meredith. I love my mom but she seems to think that she has some kind of supersense where she can tell if someone is a good person. I know that Meredith is a great person and I know eventually my mom will think so as well but for now, Meredith will have to tolerate my mom's judgmental glare.

"Who is this mysterious stray?" My mom questions. I can hear a hint of tension in her voice and Meredith chuckles nervously unsure of whether her question is a joke.

"This is Meredith, mom," I say, "she's visiting from Boston, the big house down the street across from the Holmstens"

"Hi, Meredith, it is very nice to meet you," my mom addresses Meredith. Her voice has returned to its normal calm, welcoming tone.

"Hi Mrs. Shepherd, it's nice to meet you too," Meredith says. I can hear the anxiety in her tone so I nudge her and she flashes me a quick smile.

"Oh, please Meredith, it's Carolyn," my mom corrects her. My mom hates it when people call her Mrs. Shepherd. In a way, I think it reminds her too much of my dad but it was also simply that it seemed too old to her. Meredith politely nods and by the slight blush creeping onto her cheeks and her fake laugh spilling out of her mouth I can tell she's embarrassed.

"What's for lunch?" I ask breaking the rather uncomfortable silence.

"Spaghetti and meatballs, Derek, you and your new friend can set the table and then you can invite your sisters to come out of their rooms to eat," I noded and lead Meredith over to the tray of forks and knives that sit out by the vase of shriveled flowers.

"I forgot to warn you that my mom can be a bit intense sometimes but she'll warm up I promise," I whisper softly in her ear so my mom won't hear

"I really needed a proper warning," Meredith whispers in response.

"Again I'm sorry," I tell her and she giggles lightly

"It's ok I'm just teasing you. I don't really care she seems nice enough," she says and I chuckle making my mom turned her head to see what is making me laugh. She sees that I'm just talking to Meredith and her smile brightens.

"See she already likes you more," I tell her "you're making me laugh and she likes that" we finish setting the table while having our own little mini-conversation through whispering so my mom can't hear what we are talking about. I then proceed to walk down the narrow hall knocking on each door inviting my sisters to lunch. Most of them are reading medical textbooks. Again Amelia is the exception. She is sitting on the air mattress blown up for Addie drinking wine straight from the wine bottle.

"Amelia, do you really need to be constantly drunk?" I ask her trying not to raise my voice.

"No, but this family is driving me to drink so right now, yes," she snaps

"Well lunch is ready and you might want to have a breath mint because mom will snap your neck if she smells alcohol on you again," I tell her this time I don't care to lower my voice.

"Whatever," Amelia says, sulking into the kitchen and grabbing a piece of bread of the counter.

Lunch proceeds as normal. Mom asks questions about Meredith. They're basic questions such as where she is from and where she is going to school. Meredith answers the questions, in short, she's from Seattle but has lived in Boston for most of her life, she's going to Dartmouth for school which receives a complementary gasp from the rest of my family. As she talks and as we all wolf down the pile of pasta mom has stacked up on all of our plates I finally begin to remember why I loved going to Maine every summer. I forget about the fight I had with Addie last night and all of my fears of the future and remember the reason why I continue to come back every summer. I come back for the family meals, laughing at stupid stories from the past and creating new stories to laugh about in the future.

MEREDITH

My sides hurt from laughing so much and I have a plastic container full of spaghetti covered in the tart but sweet tomato sauce piled with meatballs in my hand by the time I leave the Shepherd's beach house. I am walking alone with Derek because he insisted on walking me home.

"So your dad?" I ask. It's a question I was scared to bring up. In all of his stories on the beach and then again at lunch he talked about his dad. About hours they spent trying to catch fish and about the furniture he built for the beach house. The wall filled with pictures some of them including a man that bears an uncanny resemblance to Derek.

"He died when I was 12," Derek says quietly. I look at him and I can see him quivering slightly

"My mom too, 5 years ago, when I was 13," I tell him truthfully. This is the first time I've said it out loud since the day it happened and I feel a strange wash of relief.

"It was at the shop he owned in New York. I was there with Amelia. We were the only ones who liked to help out in the store. Amelia liked to search for pennies in that had dropped on the floor or that were dropped into the tip jar. She would hide them in a crack in the tile in the back of the store. We were both back there when the bell on the door rang and 2 men came in. They were wearing all black and they both raised guns and asked for the cash in the cash register. My dad emptied out all of the cash but then they asked for his watch. It was the watch that my mom gave him and he refused to give it to them. So he was shot for a watch. The world is a fucked up place but I'm over it now," Derek says. From the tears in his eyes, I can tell he's not over it but I don't say anything about it.

"It was when I was 13, my sister was 8, my brother was only 1. We walked in one day. Me, my dad, Matthew, and Maggie. I don't even remember what we were coming from but I do remember what we found when we entered the room. My mom had slit her wrists. My dad called 911. He did everything he could but I guess we were just a bit too late. I still don't know why she did it, I've scoured her journals for a reason but I guess her reason was just a bunch of little ones collected in one mass. Your right the world is a pretty fucked up place," tears are falling down my face when I finish and Derek doesn't say a word but instead extends his arms to welcome me into an embrace, "you're the first person I've told," I admit quietly to him and we remain in the silent hug until I stop shaking. He releases me but my arms stay around him and our eyes meet only for a second before the gaze grows uncomfortable and we separate.

"Bye, I'll see you tomorrow?" he asks me as I walk away. I turn around to see his face one more time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three; July 4/5, 1996

DEREK

It had been almost a month since I had seen or spoken to Addie and also almost a month since I met Meredith. We celebrated her birthday, we still had our walks in the morning along the beach. The spots that I used to go to escape, to be alone became our places. Every lunch was spent at my house where my mom piled meal after meal on Meredith's plate, complaining about how scrawny she was. I had also met Meredith's dad, Mr. Webber. It was a week of our walks before Meredith mentioned her dad's alcohol abuse. She had told me about how he came home every night drunk and how he was rarely sober now. My introduction was met with a grunt and Meredith simply shrugged her shoulders. Although she didn't say so I could tell she was mad at her dad. From the stories she told of before Ellis had died he sounded like a great father. He had known Meredith since she was 3 and adopted her as her 6th birthday present. He had been the one to play doll with her even when her mom was too busy and had been the one to decorate Meredith's room when they moved to Boston. Since her mom died he apparently hadn't stopped drinking and with no one to drag him out he had shriveled up into a grouchy old man instead of the loving father he used to be. Meredith often talks about putting him into rehab but there are Maggie and Matthew to think about if he has to leave for over a month Meredith isn't sure she can handle it.

Today is the night of the 4th of July. The 4th of July is my favorite night in Maine. We drag out the 12-foot long plastic folding tables and set them up in the backyard. We dust off the grills that sat in storage and grill hot dogs on their blazing surface and when the night's winding down and the sun has set we hike down to the beach, beers in hand and light a fire, talking for hours, roasting marshmallows and sandwiching them between stale graham crackers and large wedges of Hershey's chocolate. After the fire fizzles out we use the blazing ashes to put off fireworks in the air. This year I had invited Meredith's whole family although she only came with Maggie and Matthew. Apparently, there was some football game on TV that Richard wanted to watch but my guess was that he just planning on getting drunk and collapsing on the couch. My sisters immediately swarmed Meredith's younger siblings. They had only met them twice but all of them being former babysitters became obsessed with following Maggie and Matthew around. The day had gone as planned, dripping watermelon slices and burnt hot dogs were devoured. We hiked down to the beach and told scary stories with flashlights under our chins and covered our faces with the sticky marshmallows. Then we went and set off the bin of fireworks. I had my arms wrapped around Meredith since she didn't think to bring a jacket and she was cold from the air wafting from the water. After the fireworks, Meredith seemed distant. She told me that she just needed to go home right now. I wonder if she's worried about her dad or if it's something I did or said.

The house was silent after Meredith left. My sisters had all retreated to their rooms and my mom was cleaning up scraps of watermelon rind and mechanically folding the table clothes. I look at my watch, it's nearly midnight so I know the only place I can go to if I want to escape this house is the bar. I had only been to the bar a handful of times. Once the summer after my dad had died Mark and I tried to sneak in with fake IDs. After that didn't work I pulled the whole dead dad story so that they wouldn't bring me to the police station in the next town over. The bartender took Mark and I to Carolyn who gave us a much worse punishment than any police officer would have. There have been a couple of times since then when I've gone when we're out of booze or it's too late to go down to the beach and I need an escape from the crowded house.

I scribble a note out for my mom telling her I went to the bar. I'm not a kid anymore so it's not her concern but I do so anyway since when my dad disappeared she woke up with a police officer knocking on the door and a dead husband. The bar isn't crowded there are a couple of women in the corner all clutching to shots. There's a scattered group of older men sitting on bar stools or tables, some of them already drunk others on their way to be. Then a woman talking to the bartender catches my eye. It's Meredith. She isn't drunk yet but the bartender is pouring her a shot of tequila by the way she sits I can sense something's wrong. I approach her carefully and sit down in the seat next to hers.

"I'll have a single malt scotch please," I tell the bartender when he returns with Meredith drink. Meredith looks at me entirely shocked the shot glass nearly tipping the drink out.

"Derek why are you here?" she asks me. She sounds like she's been crying.

"I was about to ask you the same thing. You better slow down on the drinking," I say as she tips the shot glass back. She shudders,

"Today's a tough day, I can drink as much as I want." she snaps

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Nothing," she says with a heavy sigh. I know it's not the truth. Meredith is tough and rarely cries so I place my arm on her shoulder she looks at me tears brimming her eyes then almost in a whisper she says, "my mom died 6 years ago today"

"What do you want to do?" I ask her and I see her lips quivering and her eyes darting around the room. She downs her second shot of tequila as I finish my drink and I feel a buzz course through my body.

"I just want to be a girl in a bar, no story, tonight I'm just a girl in the bar," she says, her words are slightly slurred. I can feel the effects of alcohol slipping over me as I say,

"And I'm just a guy in the bar tonight," she smiles and I don't know if I lean in or if she does but I watch as our faces grow closer and finally our lips met. It feels like a breath of fresh air, something I hadn't felt with Addie in a long time.

I wake up the next morning in Meredith bedroom, her canopy bed hanging over us. Meredith's head rests on my bare chest. I can tell from her breathing that she's awake but we both just lie in silence. I'm unsure of whether we made a mistake. A mistake of sleeping together. I always knew there was something. There were times when we hugged and our lips brushed against each other. There were the times we casually held hands walking along the beach. I had just thought it would be better to ignore it. Meredith always talked about how she didn't believe in true love and relationships. The thought scared her. I understood why. Every relationship she had seen had crumbled right before her. I open my mouth to say something but Meredith speaks instead,

"Well…" it's the only thing that seems right in the situation

"Well…" I repeat

"That happened," she says

"It did," I say

"What does it mean?" she asks her and sits up to look me in my eyes. I

"Well, I'm just coming out of a rather serious relationship but…" I begin but she interrupts me.

"You're right," she says rather emotionlessly and stands up wrapped up in a blanket and tosses me my clothes I wore last night

"No- Meredith that's- that's not what I meant," I say but from the tears in her eyes I know I made a mistake. A mistake of getting drunk last night, a mistake of just being a guy in the bar. After pulling on my pants and shoving my shirt over my head I walk out the door closing it firmly behind me. In the dark, it's difficult to find a way to the door but eventually, I stumble down the stairs. Richard is lying on the floor a bottle of beer in his open hand. I carefully open the door allowing the light from early morning stream in. I feel myself wiping tears away from eyes as I walk down the street. I think of going home but instead, I find myself walking to the place Meredith and I first met on the beach.

MEREDITH

I sit on the couch next to my dad. He is reading a medical magazine as usual and I just stare at the wall. Maggie and Matt are upstairs playing surgeon with Maggie's old dolls. Carolyn stopped by earlier to see if I knew where Derek was. She seemed panicked and I hoped she didn't see me wince when she said his name. Of course, he was probably at his spot by the shore but I didn't say that because the idea of that spot brings back memories that I don't want to recall. I know what I want to say to Derek now but what I would say scares the hell out of me and I'm sure if I told him I would lose any chance of talking to him if I haven't already. My dad looks up from the book which is a rare occurrence for him. I assume he is going to tell me some weird medical fact or tell me to go get some booze but instead, he says,

"What's wrong?" It surprises me. I can't remember the last time he asked this question genuinely.

"Nothing," I snap

"Love is a confusing thing," he then says. At first, it seems random and I think he's probably drunk but the advice is just what I need.

"You're right," I tell him and for a brief moment I thought we'd have one of those emotional father-daughter moments where he tells me he's sorry and I forgive him for the years of neglect he subjected us all to but instead he returns to his magazine. Even so for some reason, he gave me the courage to go down to the beach and find Derek.

I walk slowly down the beach trying to plot out what I'm going to say when I reach the spot. I think of thousands of ways to say it but by the time I see him standing his feet surrounded by water, the only thing I have is _I'm sorry. _I step on a rock and it creaks slightly and Derek turns around to see who the unexpected visitor may be.

"Sorry," I start and I can see the pain in Derek's expression. I know that I have to just power through so I can tell Derek how I feel so I continue, "I know you probably don't want to see me but Derek, I love you, in a really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window- unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you and I know there are other factors here but I love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me," I say breathlessly. I watch the shock on his face grow.

"Meredith Grey, there's no one I'd rather love," he says and before he can say anything else I run up to him nearly toppling him over and we kiss. Right now it didn't matter about the future. Derek's history with Addie no longer mattered and the fact that we would be leaving the magical scenery of Maine once the summer was over. Right now all that mattered was the _I love you _and the many kisses that followed

DEREK

I walk back up the hill to my house after many long hours with Meredith on the beach. There had been lots of kissing but between it all, we had also talked. We were dating as long as our dates included long walks along the beach and many lunches at my house. Finally, we saw the setting sun and Meredith had pecked my cheek and yelled _I love you _as she ran away. I had shouted _I love you too _in response before I turned to my house to explain to my worried mother where I was. Sure enough, as I open the door I see my mom waiting anxiously in the chair that sits by the front door.

"Derek Shepherd where were you?" she shouts, "when I checked your bedroom this morning you weren't there. The note just said Bar that doesn't help. What was I to expect? You know what I really thought you were getting better. You seemed happier but you disappeared for the whole day. I think it's time you call Addie. You need her. She made you happy," her tone reminds me of when I was a teenager and I'd sneak out with Mark. Nothing ever slipped under my mom's nose and she caught up with us before I had even climbed out my window.

"Mom, I'm not calling Addie back. We are done," I tell her firmly and her face sours.

"Derek you were together for 6 years. You were going to get married. You can't just be done," my mom pleads

"No mom you just don't get it," I shout

"What don't I get?" she asks desperately. I rake my fingers through my curls.

"I don't love her anymore, I love someone else," I tell her before I realize the words tumbling out of my mouth.

"Derek- Derek how can you love someone else. You haven't been seeing anyone. Wait- did you cheat on her too. Wait-" she pauses. I can see the wheels turning in head and then she releases the tension in her face when she realizes the beautiful woman I've fallen in love with "you and Meredith?" I silently nod. My mom doesn't say anything. I know she likes Meredith but ever since my first kiss with Ruthie Green at the middle school dance my mom has been protective over which girls she allows me to love and which ones she allowed to break my heart. This was different with Meredith. I knew that my mom simply wanted the best for me and soon she would know that Meredith was right for me.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four; August 21, 1996

MEREDITH

I pace up and down up and down the aisles of the store. Most of the shelves are covered with sticky fingerprints from snow cones, while the others that aren't are filled with snacks that are covered in dust. I now stoop over one of the less used shelves. The self has a single row of pregnancy tests that look as if they haven't been touched in years. I pick out the first box my finger brush and nestle it into my sweatshirt pocket. With each step toward the cash register, I feel my heart beat faster. In small towns such as Lubec word gets around fast and I don't want all of Lubec to know of my paranoia. Once the test is safely in the plastic bag I rush out the door shoving my hands into my pockets.

I reach my house in record timing, panting heavily I wave to my dazed dad who doesn't acknowledge me and then I run up the spiral stairs and to my bathroom. My room now full of things, a cork board in the corned is coated with pictures some of them from long ago others from this summer where I wear the largest smile. My room itself is scattered with old sweatshirts and crumbled up chip bags. I walk into the bathroom and read the instructions on the back of the package. I promptly pee on the stick and then set my alarm clock for 5 minutes. As I wait I try to clean my room. One dirty jacket is Derek's and I fold it up and set it on the end of the bed. The chaos of my room represents this summer. I've never felt happier but at the same time, it's messy. It's rushed, all going to fast. Derek is the only person I've said I love you too and I know when this summer is over he will probably return to New York where he will have the picture perfect wedding with his best friend as the best man, and then have a dozen red-headed children with Addison. Summer flings, even those as passionate as me and Derek's aren't supposed to hold white picket fences and wedding rings. Our whole relationship is a fling, short term, messy and unplanned, but as unplanned goes mistakes happen, such as my period ibeing 2 weeks late.

I walk back into the bathroom and see the test teetering on the edge of the bathroom counter. I reach for it and pick it up, the plastic feels cool against my clammy hands. I slowly turn it over with my eyes clenched shut and then slowly open one eye at a time to reveal the plus sign on the small display screen. I back up so I lean against my bed and feel tears prickle my eyes. When I was little I would pretend I was a mom, carrying around my limp baby doll around the house. Later I would carry Maggie around pretending that she was my baby. By the time Matt came along, I had already changed enough diapers and made enough cookies for bake sales to know that I didn't belong in the world of motherhood for a long time, maybe forever. Now I stare at the little plastic stick that defines my future. Even though I know the odds are against me in motherhood I want to keep the baby. The question now is; do I tell Derek or do I just run like my parents always seemed to do? I sit up and see a black and white picture of Derek, Matt is on his shoulders and he is laughing at something Maggie said. I know I have to tell him, even if he goes back to Addison, I want to think I at least tried. I don't want my baby growing up without a dad.

I walk drive down the familiar set of lanes to Derek's house. I think I can feel the steering wheel shake but then I realize it is simply my hands shaking. I see his car along with Carolyn's outside so I park my car across the street and walk with wobbly legs up to the door. Almost as soon as I knock Carolyn opens the door and the scent of fresh baked cookies wafting through the door hits my nose. I see Derek peer at me down the hallway, a dirty smile on his face. He slowly walks toward me.

"Hey Mer," he says, his soft voice makes me smile.

"Hi," I say feeling my voice catch, "can I talk to you, alone?" I ask. He looks from me to my mom and then nods.

DEREK

"Hi, can I talk to you, alone?" Meredith asks. Her voice sounds faded, but she has a sweet smile on her voice.

I walk her down to my bedroom, and as soon as I check to see that Amelia isn't camping out in a corner. I push my lips to her mouth. I feel her retreat and quietly she says,

"Stop," I immediately back away and I see her shove her hands in her pockets.

"I'm sorry," I stuttered, unsure of what to do. Should I hug her or just leave her to talk.

"It's ok, I- I need to tell you something," she says and I can see her eyes darting nervously around the room. We are both quiet for a second, I stare at her confused expression, she's beautiful with short wisps of hair resting on her forehead and her small button like nose scrunched up, but she still seems scared. "I'm pregnant," she says, her voice is shaking and I can see the tears brimming her eyes. I rush toward her pulling her into a hug.

"I'm here," I hear myself telling her, "whatever you decide, whatever you need because I love you and I'm not gonna leave your side" I can feel her bury her head in my chest.

"I want to keep the baby," she finally says, "and I want you to be part of its life as well as mine, but I don't want to ever think that you stayed with me because of the baby, and if your going to be part of its life it has to be forever and not just sometimes," I realize she is terrified. She didn't have a great childhood, a mother who cooked soup for her when she was sick and sewed patches onto her jeans when she skinned her knee. Her dad had left when she was 5 before she had even started kindergarten. She didn't want me to be that father who is in and out of their child's life or is always busy with work.

"We'll figure it out," I tell her I still hold her tight and I can feel her body shaking and tears streaming down her face.

Hours later we lay side by side in the bed, letting the reality that we are going to be parents sink in. Meredith's face is still stained with tears and she still seems scared I'll leave her. I understand why she doesn't know how to trust people yet.

"What will we do after this summer?" she finally asks. It's the question I had been wanting to ask but was too scared to.

"I'll move to New Hampshire, start the private practice I've been wanting to start," I tell her. She brushes my chin and draws me into a kiss, but I can still feel her hesitate.

"Are you sure?" she asks. I nod but then I know I need to explain myself.

"Meredith, I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old. I want a lifetime," I tell her with a newfound sureness. I can see her smiling and then she says,

"I want a lifetime too," we fall asleep next to each other, our feet covered by the heavy wool blanket.

MEREDITH

I wake up with Derek's arm wrapped around mine and Carolyn knocking at the door. In a flood, the last 24 hours passes through my head, the positive pregnancy test, the shaky ride to Derek's house and then the way his arms felt around me as he reassured me. In 7 days we leave Maine. Just yesterday I would be leaving Maine without Derek. I was going to Dartmouth and Derek would be returning to New York, to his red-headed beauty and the life he had built there. Maybe 10 years later we'd meet at a supermarket or a gas station. I could imagine it now, my heart aches for him and him merely recognizing me. He would probably have 3 or 4 kids in tow, maybe I would have found a new love, someone who made me feel the same way, but probably not. But maybe that scenario will be different now because he had picked me, he had picked me to love. Yesterday night as we laid in his bed he had told me that a life with him awaited, together we would start a family, eventually get married, build a house, and live together until death. I knew this was just a fantasy, but for now, I had him and the promise of a lifetime. He seems to wake up by his mom's second knock on the door. Amelia is zonked out on the lower bunk and as much as I hate to say it, it is probably because she had a late night in the bar.

Derek rolls over and off the air mattress bed to open the door, Carolyn sees me, smiles and waves. We will probably have to tell her about the baby if Derek wants to get out of his mother's grasp and move to New Hampshire, that scares me. Over the summer I had grown close to the entire Shepherd family but I could assume she wanted her son married before moving to a new state and having a kid. As soon as Derek ushers her out he takes my hand pulling me out of the room. Immediately I ask,

"Are you going to tell your mom? Will she be mad?" the words spill out of my mouth and I feel Derek's hand steadying my chin.

"She had me when she was 18 and not yet married to my dad, they only got married after Kathleen was born. My mom loves you almost as much as I do. Of course, I'll tell her when you're ready," he tells me and I feel myself dissolve into again. His arms feel right against me and for the first time, I can see our future laid out before me. Maybe a white picket fence after all, maybe we'll be married, maybe we'll have a dog, but right now the child in my stomach and his love is all I want and the thing that reassures me that everything will be ok.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five; August 28, 1996

DEREK

I sit, my feet dangling from my bed. My faded red suitcase sits next to me. It is the same suitcase I bought when I was 18 and going away to college. My clothes are folded in squares with sharp edges. In contrast, Amelia's suitcase which is resting on the deflating air mattress is filled with a messy pile of clothes that haven't been watched for the entire summer. Amelia has been better about a lot of things this summer. She hasn't been drinking as much and there's been no crashed cars or drugs insight. Since she crashed my car and her 3 months spent in rehab she seems to have gotten better. I drum my fingers, nervous for what's next in my life as well as my whole family's. Without using the ladder propped against the bed's railing Amelia hops down from her bed where she has just finished taking off all of the decorations she's pinned on the wall. I have my own collection of decoration, mainly pictures. Many of the pictures that I used to have pinned up have been taken down and replaced with pictures of Meredith. Some of them she posed for, but most of them are just in the moment, talking along the beach or eating ice cream on metal tables covered in checkered table clothes. Amelia zips her suitcase with some struggle and waves to me as she walks out the door. She turns around, her black curly hair bouncing against her back and suddenly I am reminded of how quickly she disappears and I run-up to her giving her hugging her tight, as she pulls away I think I might see tears in her eyes and realize that even though she wasn't the best sister I probably wasn't the best brother.

"Bye Derek," she whispers, "I'll see you at Thanksgiving?" she asks. I nod, I can't remember the last time she was at our family's thanksgiving but then again I have missed it for many years as well. She leaves and from the window, I can see my mom hugging her and crying a bit as she helps load the duffle bag and suitcase into the passenger seat. I know it is time for me to leave now too. All of my sisters' have already left and I see that my mom's car is already packed with her 2 overflowing suitcases. I zip my suitcase and prop it up against the bare wall, then I see my mom's shadow in the doorway.

"Hey," I say. Right now she still thinks I'll be moving back to New York, she knows how much I love Meredith but she also assumes that Meredith and I are just a fling to get over our problems. Mine being my failed relationship, Meredith being her family's mess.

"Hi," she picks up a picture of Meredith that is resting on my blanket.

"Are you going to see Meredith again?" she asks. I knew the question was coming and I also know it is the perfect segway to the surprise I'm about to drop in her lap.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," I tell her. I take a deep breath knowing that at this moment Meredith is doing the much harder task of telling her dad.

"I'm moving to New Hampshire, Hanover, New Hampshire to be with Meredith," My mom nods, "there's something else, Meredith's pregnant," I see my mom's eyes widen and I expect her to scold me or to at least put up a slight fit but instead she leans and hugs me, "you're not mad," I ask after I realize that her shaking shoulders means she's laughing and not crying.

"Of course not, your going to be a dad, and I'm going to be a grandma. I guess the question is are you happy,"

"Yes, I love Meredith and I can't wait to have a little family with her," I explain and as my mom leads me to the car and I tell her the plans that Meredith and I had for once we arrived and once she had the baby I can't help be feel anxious for the stark opposite reaction Meredith is probably getting from her dad right now.

MEREDITH

I feel the taste of bile creeping into my mouth and run toward the toilet to throw up. For the past week, I have been having horrible morning sickness. Derek had been staying in my bed for the past week rushing to my side whenever I ran to the bathroom. Now he isn't here since today is the day we are leaving and he had to talk to his mom. It reminds me of who I need to talk to today so after I wipe the vomit from my mouth I brush my teeth and change from my leggings and sweatshirt into a more presentable outfit made up of a nice pair of jeans and a striped t-shirt. I notice that the jeans are a little harder to zip and it may be my imagination but when I stand in the mirror I think I can see a small bump. I run a brush through my tangled hair proceeding to pull it back into a bun. I slip on a pair of stained converse and tie them with messy bows. I look over at my bedside and see a sticky note that Derek has left for me. It is written in his slanted handwriting and says; _Good Luck- Love, Derek. _I smile, it's not much but it's enough encouragement for me to leave my room and locate my dad in the spacious house.

I find my dad in the kitchen which is rare for him. Usually, I would find him on the couch reading a book or magazine or locked up in his room sleeping or wallowing in his own self-pity. He seems to be cooking a breakfast which is also rare. Breakfast is usually stale cereal and milk. I can remember when I was really little he used to cook breakfast for my mom and me. It was when my mom and thatcher, my dad, were still married but no longer living with each other. My mom was able to keep the big house and Mr. Richard would come over when his wife left early for work and would cook us breakfast. Looking back I loved his breakfast. He would cook pancakes each of them being a different shape or fried eggs and bacon which he arranged into a smiley face. He now stands in the kitchen again. The smile on his face makes him look years younger and he hums as he flips the browned pancakes over in the pan. He turns around to see me staring and him in the doorway and his smile grows wider as he offers a plate of fresh heart pancakes and says,

"Breakfast, Meredith," I have no clue what sparked his sudden recovery but he doesn't seem drunk and it seems as if a heavyweight has been lifted from his shoulders. For the past week, he had seemed even worse. He had even noticed Derek in the house and he was throwing up more than me.

"Thanks," I reply, "what sparks this occasion?" I then ask trying to keep the bitter tone out of my voice.

"Can't I cook breakfast for my family?" he asks. I think it's fine that he is cooking breakfast for our family but I want to point out the fact that he hasn't cooked breakfast for us since Maggie's first day of kindergarten. I hear Matt and Maggie clattering down the stairs, Matt is going on and on about some dream he had and I can hear Maggie laughing a bit. I watch their faces as they see their dad in the kitchen pouring pancake batter into one of the few pans we brought with us.

"Daddy what are you doing?" Matt asks, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I'm cooking breakfast," he replies. Matt shakes his head and then says confused,

"But we have cereal for breakfast," my dad nods his head flipping pancakes over and sprinkling chocolate chips over them.

"Your right, but I have a special announcement," he tells us. _I also have a special announcement_ I think but I know that the announcement is going to have to wait possibly until my dad's good mood wears off.

It seems awkward to sit and the clean almost unused dining room table. My dad sits at the head of the table with a single pancake on his plate and I can tell he is nervous to tell us something. Maggie and Matt sit next to each other at the table and I sit across them. I wonder if my mom was here if she would take place on the other side of the table or maybe she would sit next to my dad and I would take the empty spot across from him. We all stare intensely at my dad waiting for the special announcement he had cooked pancakes for.

"I want to say I'm sorry. After your mom died I didn't know what to do. I was now a single father to 3 great children but I had no clue what to do so I started drinking. I never thought it would get this bad and I'm really sorry that I haven't been present. About a week ago I decided I was going to give up drinking, and at first it was really hard, that's why I've been really sick this week, but I have now been sober for 2 days and when I get back to Boston I'm going to start AA," I can feel relief flooding my body. I know it has only been 2 days and everything could change in a matter of minutes but for now, he is trying. I begin to cry and rush up to him embracing him in a hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I keep repeating and soon I feel Maggie and Matt's smaller arms around us as well and for the first time in a long time I can feel us becoming a family again. I don't want to ruin the moment but I also know that this is the time to tell my dad my news. This is the time while he is still sober and in a good mood.

"Dad I have to tell you something," I tell him quietly

"Well, what is it? spit it out," he prompts. I look down at Matt and Maggie's smiling faces and I know at some point I will tell them but for now, I just need to tell my dad before leaving.

"I need to talk to you alone," I tell him. He nods noting the seriousness in my tone.

"Ok, Maggie why don't you and Matt finish eating while I go and talk to Meredith," he orders them and they both nod. Maggie catches my eyes and gives me a skeptical look but I ignore it as my dad leads me into the kitchen where we can talk with a wall of privacy.

"I'm pregnant," I tell him, I see the look of shock on his face and I feel the need to jump in and explain, "I think I'm about 2 months along, and Derek, my boyfriend is the father. He's going to move to New Hampshire with me and we'll be buying a house or apartment to live in. That's really all, I'll tell Matt and Maggie once I'm a bit further along, but I guess that's it," I say. I realize as I rambled on my dad's shock on his face has worn off and been replaced with a smile.  
"I'm so happy for you Meredith, you're going to make a great mom and from what I know of Derek he's going to make a great dad," he says and I know at that point he's going to become a great dad again and a great grandpa.

DEREK

I wait outside of Meredith's towering house. I can see the lights on but when I roll down the window I hear no shouting which either means her talk with her dad went better than expected or she still hasn't worked up the courage to tell him. I check my watch and it displays; _11:58_. I told Meredith I was picking her up at noon and I have sandwiches from the leftovers in my fridge for lunch. I watch the front door waiting for it the swing open as the 2 minutes pass. At noon I go up to the door and knock using the heavy brass knocker. Matt comes up to the door still wearing his pajamas. He has what looks like chocolate all over his face and his hands but I welcome his hug anyways.

"Hi Der," he says

"Hey little M," I say and he laughs a little as I mess with his curly hair and then swing him around in a circle.

"Guess what?" he says, "daddy's all better which means he's not drinking anymore," this surprises me. Richard not drinking anymore is something that Meredith thought was impossible but I then see Richard walking toward me a smile on his face that makes him look like a whole new person and I believe it.

"Hey Derek," he says and pats me on the back in a congratulatory fashion, "Meredith told me the news, congratulations"

"What news," Matt begs.

"You'll know later," I hear Meredith say and see her carrying a cardboard box and a suitcase down the stairs. I quickly rush up halfway to help carry the heavy suitcase a box filled with books for next year. She runs back up the stairs to retrieve the rest of the stuff and about a half an hour later all of Meredith things are packed in the back of my car and Meredith has a map folded out guiding me to Hanover, New Hampshire where we will start our life together


End file.
